I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
