How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
