He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
did i just pee glitter
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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