I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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