You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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