Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
