worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
