I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize