My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
