Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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