I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
