I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
