So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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