i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
