About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
