i think my tv is drunk
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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