ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
