you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
