It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
