On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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