When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
