i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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