Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think my mom watched the whole time
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
someone owes me an orgasm
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
