I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
