Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Are my feet made of real feet?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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