The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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