M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
