dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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