The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there's paper in my vomit.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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