He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
