No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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