my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
