I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
