Screwed.edu
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
These tits shall not be calmed
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