im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize