I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
