very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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