Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
