if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this will be a night to untag.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
