Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We don't watch enough power rangers
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Im part way to drunk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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