i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
