I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
