You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
