I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize