I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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