did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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