just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
