i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
