Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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