Farmville is her only friend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
