Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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