So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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