idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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