The best revenge is premature balding
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
