Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize