those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
