Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
