I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
