i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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