Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
