Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
