I am in a vortex of obligation.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
