It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize