the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
