You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
