Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize