Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
