This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
