I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
worst night to have a conscience
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
