Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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