When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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