Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
