you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize