Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
