They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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