So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
