Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
