My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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