a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
