i may or may not be watching the land before time
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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