also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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