Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
