Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
