...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
