when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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