im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
