It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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