omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
