Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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