A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
