I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
