I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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