What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
