when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
