It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
