I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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