Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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